puberty stage?

What is wrong with me? tell yourself what is wrong with you? What made you cried, suddenly? Why you always take thing seriously .Why you always make yourself hurt. Why can’t you be someone else? Someone who care less, who never take responsibility, who doesn’t care for everything, who only think for herself, who can be selfish for their own good , someone who is just happy for themselves. Why and why? I just can’t be like her because it is not me.


Tears are drooling from my eyes like a river yet I still don’t know what is wrong with me. Yey ! Abruptly I’m singing JT cry me a river in my head!



Mums always right for whatever she will be saying. She always remind me “stop being a kid and don’t cry too much, be an adult ieka”.


Then she will be asking question:


When will u be a grown up adult?


I answered her with just a short cackle. I know the answer doesn’t make the cut but temporarily it’s okay.


Because that question always been in my head always! Always like forever.

There are e lots of thing I don’t know about myself:

Like why you always nice to people even they are mean to you?

Like why you like to sacrifice for others while the others don’t care less.

Like why you always act like you don’t care but the real thing is you care much?

Like why you so hard to express utterly word by word to anyone?

Like why you always in a comfort zone when it comes to a relationship?: alia yg ckp.I still wonder what is actually behind her lines.

And the list went on and on …

Until it don’t make sense.

Those question aren’t going to end and I don’t need to figure it out because it is just makes me nuts. So by the end of writing this post, I am slowly recovering. :)

fate to believe!

Syafika binti Mohd Ghazi will be going:

UPM
COMMUNICATION
3 YEARS

wish me luck

Behind Hotdogs

It is wrong if our imaginations run wild and we didn’t even bother to end it because it gave us a slightly happiness? We know that it would never come true yet we still keep on imagine things because we never knew, it might be true someday. Someday, one day or in future that I referred to is actually our hoped. Hope is like twin sister or brother to imagination as when we are imagine things the reality of yourself actually desperately hoped that things turned out to be like the one in your imaginary land. All of us had been through this sheepishly imaginary land when we are toddlers and up till now we are still imagining widely over the universe.



The same thing goes to myself as I always been imagine things. Like, when my sister and I had been watching travel ASTRO channel one day. The Country that they are showing is United States and they are really famous for their hotdogs. At first I really caught myself extremely hungry as I watched lot of image of hotdogs been cooked. Then I move my head to my sister who is beside me and my mind runs wild thinking, what if we open up a hotdog stall in Malaysia. My sister sudden give a slightly nod with another idea. We opened up a stall only for hotdogs and no burger as Ramlee burger already exist. We will be like subway but ours are Malaysian made and cheaper. We will be rich, popular as our hotdogs are so tasty and we will be making into television show.



Our conversation runs excitedly unstoppable and there, we just had thrown ourselves into joyfully imaginary land. Five minutes of happiness and we feel very content at that time. Mama realized that we are dreaming on, she grinned to both of us and her smiled remind us that any idea of ours never going to be real. Yet I feel very happy for having these 5 minutes of bliss. We both know that we are wasting our time on the hotdogs but it is okay, we know the fact there is nothing wrong when we let ourselves be in another world beside reality.

sapporo trip part 1

the night before i flew to japan my mum couldnt stop babbling from a to z's as she went on and on like have u packed ur underwear or have u bring ur toothbrush and its leading on "take care of yourself and doa byk2 kalo org tegur jgn ikot " shes freaking out because it is my first time travel alone without my parents to sum kind of foreign country. im kinda lepak je but takut gak la coz they mostly dont speak english so that is what i am going to deal with. hahah
but in the end everything went okay , the flight was okay eventhough i have lost my ticket for my first flight from malaysia to narita ap then i found it back without telling my mum , luckily. lol
then im having jet lagged n i fall asleep at haneda airport without thinking other ppl . what do i care. yaalah im foreigner sorg jer pki tudung plek sket la tp pe ku kesah blasah je la dah penat. ngeh*) then finally i arrived at sapporo chitose and my sista wasnt there. lambt sket buat aku cuak je . so here adela pic sket2 yg dah edited.

my new munchkin

This is my new munchkin ganti the old one lovie.
btw this is her birth certificates :

Name: TOTTY AKIKO YUN-CHA or

とっつ明子ゆんちゃ

Date of birth: 6th JUNE 09

Birthplace: University of Hokaiddo , Japan

sex: female (determined by ieka)

Birth fee: 300 yen

Sweetest memory : the moment ieka buys me , and
when ieka cuddle me thru the nite.

unforgettable memory: the moment ieka’s butt pressing my face

sad memory: ieka couldnt find me where im stucked
in piles of clothes

lol im kinda fall in love at the first sight with totty so i decided to buy her
lgpon die murah hahahn plus its for the sake of charity.

A story to tell

I have a story to tell. Story that shows my stupidity or not. ngeh :)When i returned home one night from a movie, kak ninie and mama was busy preparing their baking stuff to make muffins. After that, they realized that they don't have muffin baking cups and mama asked me to buy the baking cups along with abang boy as a driver. It was 10.30 pm and most all of the shop was already closed. So both of us hope that there is a supermarket might be open.

KAMPUNG PANDAN

when we reached kampung pandan and found out supermarket that we were hoping on have closed, we were disappointed. This stupidity story begin right when abang boy gave me one idea "ha, kite gi kedai bakery, ko try tanye akak tu kite mintak beli a muffin cups tuh?" and i was laughing and thinking that he must be joking, but his face doesn’t seem so and i ignored him later on, I gave him another idea " dri kite gi crik bakery shop better kite cepat2 gi tesco maybe bukak lagi". Abang boy later on keep insisting me that we try for his idea. I still don’t think that his idea was reasonable. Bakery shop is where we buy breads, cakes not baking utensil and is not like they were permitted to sell it. Then we kept arguing for about 5 minutes then he assumes that I was not brave enough to ask. “Ala, ko x berani , nina lagi berani" . "Hah , ko igt aku x berani ke, k. cepat a carik kdi bakery ,aku x kesah ade mulut aku tanye je a".

PANDAN JAYA

So we headed to pandan jaya where we know there is one bakery shop near the mamak stall. When we nearly arrived there abg boy trying to scared me off like "hah , nak smpi dah prepare2x" nah fyi , i wasnt even scared pon . It turned out that the bakery was closed. hahaaha I was laughing of victory because I feel like I’m winning while abang boy keep on saying that I was laughing of relief. Later on we keep on arguing and fighting who is right, and who is wrong. Then abang boy want to prove me wrong that Tesco already closed. At this time I was really freak out, yelah the time already 10.50 pm and by the time we reached Tesco there are high possibilities that Tesco already closed. But what can I do, being in the car , had enough of our disagreements its like one moment silence of death. So I just shut myself up and prayed that Tesco still open.

AMPANG

Abang boy drop me off in front Tesco entrance and suddenly I was stunned , my leg wasn’t moving and I have one thought in my mind " wtf Tesco dah tutup la , ada announcement lagi bagtau dah tutup " , then Abang boy jerked me out " tunggu ape lagi , pegi la." "Siot tol , xpe aku prove aku betul" Actually Tesco in their headway to closed, there are many Tesco workers are doing their jobs , stocks up things , cleaning off and security guards walking around checking are there any customers. The workers all stare at me like I have done anything wrong ya lah actually I can understand what they felt. " aku tau korg penat kerje layan la aku" Finally I found what I want , quickly grab it ,ignoring the stare and pay it . After paying I knew that I’m in the winning state, my hearts leaps out of victory and I smell joy in the air. I know, from the beginning I was right and I was able to prove to my brother that I have a point. I enter the car, smile a bit to my brother and off we go back home, but at that moment I could see that he was smiling of shame. :) "hahahah" i feel like laughing myself out but i control myself and trying to be cool because we both know who is winning. yay! That’s me!

HOME

I gave mama tesco plastic bag and suddenly she called me up. " ieka , ko salah beli la" I ran to my mum and ask her why. She giggled and say "Ko beli salah size la , what the waste" . What a waste for mama are the money and time that we wasted for buying the muffin cups but I laugh to myself wonders, all those shouting’s that I have with my brother it seems like a waste but in the end I learns something: it's not about winning it’s actually how he shaped me to be more brave, courageous and ravage so that I would be ready to face the real world.

Thanks bro.

30th may

• 
  
  Abg Boy : " Kalo ko sesat kat tgh jalan , takde teksi , x kan la ko nak tumpang org x leh haram ek. "Pakcik nak tumpang boleh, saya sesat" " Eh pakcik bukan teksi la dik x tumpangkan org" “ x sama ke kalo ko in desperate situation nak muffin cups tuh?”:)
  draft

You and Me

All this while, I realised that we are born to be someone's companion, friends or lovers. First seconds we meet someone, we say hi, shake hands, introduced ourselves and later on we become friends. It is such an easy thing and it took up a little of our courage to be the first to say "hi" .But noticed that 5 minutes of talking it is a phase that determined whether we clicked or not. If there is chemistry between us, 15 minutes talking is like a second and the more we shared things the more closed we felt. Soon we both feel safe and secure because we know there is someone beside us, to be with us and all in the name of friendship. We share everything secrets, problem even shoes or clothes. That the actual points of having friends they make us comfortable, happy, and alive. Nevertheless, good and bad things come equally. We cannot force something that we could not do. Being apart is not a choice, someone got to go, letting go is hurtful and hoping that everything would be the same is such a big mistake. Everything changed and we felt bad about it. But the past would never be forgotten, memory of us being together still strongly say that we are good friends. We hold to it and put aside all those evil thought, like "god damn it, she have a new friends and she is happy with them, let her be. I’m no longer her friends" or "ouch that's hurt she didn’t reply my message after all , she might busy with her new friends till she forgets me". It is all those un-matured or childish thought that should not be linger in my mind. So toss that all away , do our duty as supporting friends, keep in touch and once in a while hang out together so that the memory of the past would not be vanished forever .More over we have to believe that everything happens have its reason . So just be true to yourself and cherish your friends.

So whenever we are free , we texting each other and we will hang out with each other so that things you and me will still be remained.

date: 5th May 09

venue: Red box , Pavillion

celebration of our memories together

azlan did try hard to be on in million

la , awad, ten ton and azlan

duets that blow away opsie i mean bomb away