eveything doomed

since i came here everything seems not right. i miss my family. i dont have my family support. i need them in my life and sometimes i do love the idea of being dead. im a depressed person i always think that what if i cross the road and sudenly car hit me. and ill be dead and ill be having the other problem in grave cuz im not a nice person. ill be tortured in my grave. then i thought why i choose not to be a good person? cuz i am like that im not a good person as a muslim im sux! i dont want to go far in that part. so to try forget about my problem i will take lots of pills so that i can forget about my pain my problems thats how i handle my sadness. when i woke up i feel blurry i feel empty i forget about my problem for a while. i am not facing this for the moment but i wish i am dead right now. i wish i am brave enough to slit my throat or to slit my wrist but i am not. i wish im dead right now. i wish i wish. i love my family my friends my sayang but i am a total failure for them. just take my lives ya rabb. just take it. i cant do this anymore.