I am SCARED

I've always been a girl who is ambitious,
I wanna climb the wall,
I wanna feel how hard is it to climb those wall,

I wanna jump off the building,
I wanna know how exhilarating it is,

I wanna dive in the sea,
I wanna feel the deepness of water , dark, scary but fascinating with the sea creatures,
I wanna be in front of people, giving out speech,
debates, arguing on my points, let them know what I'm dying to prove on,

I wanna be someone who useful to society,
I dream big,
I want to help strayed kids and show them the world are not always fair and it's us who changed it,

I wanna be a mother,
I will give out all my loved to those tiny human,
I will take care of them till they are big enough to do their own judgement,
and once a while they will come to their mama and ask did they do right in their life
and I loved to have those feeling.

All my dream are ambitious enough for me,

But The only thing that I'm afraid is,

to be in love again.
I'm damn scared of it.
I know I'm a chicken.

Do you know when your in love,
you are risking yourself to be hurt,
you let your heart exposed to pain,
and end up crying like a mad person?
and yet we still want it!

I wish I can be that strong ambitious woman without any feeling
so that I would not feel those pain...
Please tell me there a reason why we need to feel those pain.

p/s: my first blog post in 2013 turn out to be a heartbreaking emotion diary. I'm sorry you have to read this and thanks for your attention.

Am I ready for  this?